Beach Cop (Script)

Chad: See not many people know about us. They just think that the beach stays in order by itself. But it’s really us, we are the blood in this robotic peace machine, we’ve created. Some people think just because we do this for volunteer hours that it isn’t important, but believe you me…And if you look in the back seat that’s James.
James: Hello.
Chad: But we don’t listen to what he says because he was raised by 3 women, his mom, his sister…and his other mom…so he’s a second generation woman, and he doesn’t make sammiches soo…he is pretty much useless.

(Documentary Side)
James: Ya… I don’t have a second mom…but… Chad isn’t funny as it is…so if I was to tell Chad it wasn’t funny…I’m pretty sure he would kill himself.
(Back to patrol)

Chad: Ya so I am uh… pulling into the beach now… hey James…see that tree? There is some vines coming down… you could hang yourself. But umm…heres a pen and paper, write your suicide note… and make sure you quote this. James go kill yourself….you second generation woman…you have no rights…I hate you. By Chad.

(Documentary Side)
James: …Does it bother me that he makes killing myself jokes? …nawh… just because I won’t make fun of him because I think he has low self esteem as it is and if I do anything he will kill himself, doesn’t mean…
Chad: James!? Are you still breathing? Go towards the light you giving up bastard.
James: …Ya it bothers me.
(Back To Patrol)

Chad: Ok…there someone is over there.
James: What is he doing exactly sir?
Chad: …I think… I could be wrong but I think he has a gun in his swim trunks…
James: (Confused look)

(Documentary Side)
James: I don’t know how small Chad is…but…I mean that guy… look they don’t make guns that could make a bulge that small…its… I don’t know…
Chad: Yup, takes a trained eye, to seek out a guy smuggling a gun on the beach, it took me years to be able to look down there on a guy, but…I do it for the job.
James: And does his mustache bother anyone else? It’s fake, I was there when he bought it… and he still tried to convince me it was real. I tell him to take it off cause… well made in china…’nuff said
Chad: Do I know that James is jealous of my ‘stachio? Ya, of course I mean, not everyone has the balls to grow this… some are lucky… others are me. (Points at camera) You can quote that.
(Back to patrol)

James: Freeze Beach patrol.
Chad: Freeze beach…what the hell James.
James: What?
Chad: I told you when we were in the vehical that I was saying freeze beach patrol.
MSOB: Can I help you?
Chad: Shut the hell up sir… James what the hell?
James: …You think he has a gun and your blaming me on saying a phrase?
Chad: Yes…Yes I am.
James: Why don’t you just arrest…
Chad: Holy shit it’s a Chinese baby!
James:…that…that’s not a Chinese baby…he is a Caucasian baby.
Chad: Excactly…that’s what I ment… Caucasian… I just forgot the cauc..
James: You said Chinese Chad.
MSOB: I’m going in the lake.
Chad: (evil stare at James)
James: Ok sir, sorry for the inconvenience.
MSOB: No problem have a good day.
Chad: YOU LET THE CROOK GO.
James: Chad he was standing there for awhile, you had a huge opportunity to catch him.
Chad: Ya well now he is gone…we lost him
James: I don’t see why you couldn’t have…
Chad: SHIT HE’S IN THE WATER CALLING ON THE HELP OF SHARKS! (Runs to tackle MSOB)
James: It’s a lake Chad…
(MSOB is in water turns around and gets tackled to the water by Chad)
James: Uhhh shit.
(Back in car)
MSOB: …What…what did I do?
Chad: Shut the hell up dirt bag.
James: I’m sorry sir, he is a bit intense.
MSOB: My.. girlfriend is at the beach still man.
Chad: What does she have a bomb in her va…
James: Don’t worry we’ll clear this all up soon sir.
MSOB: ok…so why did you hand cuff me with these handcuffs from the dollar store?
James: I’m sorry Chad is really… really stupid.
(Silence for a couple seconds).
Chad: … You’re stupid…
FIN